Forgiveness
by ANBUShizuka
Summary: When you can't change quickly enough, you say things you don't mean. And you sometimes hurt the people you love most. ErLu


_A/N: I seem to write angsty/fluffy when I've been made aware of some new fact about myself. Especially the facts that I wish weren't true. So, here's to another one-shot. This might not be perfectly in character because I was used the dialogue from a fight I had with my girlfriend. Of course, this means I wrote this as a venting mechanism._

_Disclaimer: I don't own Fairy Tail or any affiliated characters, places or events._

[X]

_The feeling sometimes,_

_wishing you were someone else;_

_Feeling as though..._

_you never belong._

[X]

Lucy sat beneath a tree just outside the city, watching pensively as the sun set beneath the horizon. Her amber-brown eyes narrowed slightly and she drew her knees up to her chest, holding her legs there. The blonde was, as it were, considering her current situation. _'I always get like this when Erza and I fight. But sometimes...why can't she understand? I changed for her. I'm becoming a stronger person for her but I'm not perfect. I still have issues.' _Tears began to gather in the corners of her eyes, causing her skin to prickle at the heat. _'I'm not strong like she is. I'm not always sure of myself. But I am sure that I love her. And I'm sure that I'd do anything she asks of me.'_ A wave of nausea started coming on and Lucy's head fell to touch her knees. She vaguely felt the light sheen of sweat on her forehead and noted that perhaps she was overreacting.

"Lucy?" Turning her head- a little too quick- to look behind her, the blonde saw the object of her affections standing beside the tree. A concerned look contorted her features as she sat beside her girlfriend. "I've been looking everywhere for you."

"I was going to come back in just a little bit. I'm just clearing my head," mumbled the emotionally exasperated blonde. Her amber eyes refused to fall on the redhead and a feeling of guilt was added to her list of emotions to deal with.

The knight mage stayed quiet for a moment before muttering, "You said that last time and I ended up sleeping alone while you stayed up writing to your mom." She turned her dark eyes to her girlfriend and noted the tension in her body. "Are you upset?"

"Of course I'm upset," snapped Lucy. "Don't you get it, Erza? I'm filled with self-hate because I can't seem to meet your expectations. Again!"

Realization hit the taller girl like a ton of bricks. "You're serious? That's what this is about? How the hell can you be so petty? You're a good person, Lucy. Why get an attitude over something as small as not meeting expectations yet? You have time!" The redhead shifted and forcibly turned Lucy's chin so that they faced one another. "Look at me and pay attention. Get over it. You're not going to be able to meet all expectations from the get-go. It's a fact of life. So why get upset when you could be spending your time getting better and enjoying yourself?" Her eyes began to moisten with tears as well as she whispered, "Why deprive me of your good company when I love it so much?"

Lucy swallowed hard and felt her tears break from her eyes. They rushed down her cheeks as she began to sob. She felt strong arms bring her into a hug and kisses fall upon her head. "I'm weak! I'm so weak, Erza!" She clenched her fists in the back of Erza's shirt, pulling the older girl closer. "I just wish you could understand. You're so strong and I'm just..._not_. I wish I was. And it fills me with such...loathing, such sadness that it makes me wonder why you bother with me."

"Because you're worth it. Because _I love you_." Erza's fingers tightened their grip in Lucy's hair and the shorter girl flinched slightly. "You talk about me not understanding. Why not you? Why can't you understand that just because I don't say it everyday, doesn't mean I don't feel it. You are wonderful and amazing and beautiful and smart and funny. So why are you being such an idiot?"The redhead pulled back and gripped her girlfriend's shoulders firmly.

"I'm not the kind of person that fights for myself. I feel like that's just selfish. I fight for others. And the same goes for my habits, my traits. I don't change for myself. I change for the people I love." Lucy gazed into her lover's eyes and muttered, "I believe you, Erza. I believe everything you say. And you can tell, can't you? You can tell that I've begun to change and make myself stronger. But..." She paused and let her gaze fall for a moment. "When I feel like I haven't changed quick enough or I've made mistakes...I feel like I've let you down. And I can't stand that." Gently, a hand cupped her cheek and she looked back into the dark brown eyes that she loved so much. "Erza..."

"It takes time, Lucy. Accept that. It took time for us to fall in love, didn't it?" A half-smile curled the S-class mage's lips. At the nod, she continued, "Then give yourself time to change. It can't happen overnight. It can't happen in a matter of seconds. I'm willing to wait for you, as long as you're willing to wait for me. Fair?"

"Fair," whispered the blonde. Their tears fell to the ground as they embraced again. Erza covered Lucy's cheeks and lips with sweet but firm kisses. "I'm sorry, Erza...I'm so sorry."

In between kisses, the knight commanded, "Stop saying you're sorry all the time. It's annoying."

Lucy pushed on her beloved's chest, forcing her away for a moment. "Can't you be nicer about that? It just makes me feel worse when you say stuff like, 'It's annoying' and all that. I'm just trying to convey how sorry I am."

"Then show me, don't tell me over and over again. Sincerity is everything. Tell me once and then show me that you mean it." Their gazes locked and Erza clasped the shorter girl's hands in her own.

The Celestial mage nodded and said, "All right. I'll try. It'll...take time though. To break that habit."

Erza simply smiled and nodded. "That's fine. Just take your time." Then, sitting back against the tree, the stronger woman pulled her girlfriend into her lap and held her gently. "Now, c'mere." They sat like that, leaning into one another, arms wrapped tightly around each other. "Lucy, I'm not mad at you. I just...want you to understand. That's all. I'm sorry I made you feel bad."

"I'm sorry I was being so petty. That wasn't fair of me. I should've thought about what I was saying before I said it." The pair kissed softly, tears slowly drying on their cheeks. The stars began to shine brightly by the time that Erza realized that her smaller girlfriend was asleep. Smiling softly, she lifted the girl in her arms and carried her back to their shared apartment and their shared bed.

[X]


End file.
